It's Been One Year Today

Today is the anniversary of my big car crash. Death came too close to our family, and was not welcome. Rusty says that this time of year is hard on him, and I understand why; he was there, worried about me, while I was out of it, in the hospital.
Rusty did not want any Christmas decorations this year to remind him. Last year the decorations were up through January and part of February, the entire time while I was in the hospital. He said that looking at them made him sad and feel lonely. So this year no Christmas chach-ca. The funny thing is that I did not put up Christmas trees or any decorations for the holidays till I met him, just lots of lights. He had to have a tree every year and the whole works, but it was me who put them up and take them down. I loved doing it for him. So up they stayed until I was home again to take them down.
One year is what all the doctors said it would take to feel back to normal. "Give it a year" I was told so many times, I thought that they were just saying that to make me feel that I would somehow, someday feel o.k. or back to normal. I will admit that I do feel that I have come a long way, especially now at the anniversary of the day. My head is so much clearer now even more then one month ago. Why one year? is that in the contract? is it true for everybody? The doctors, the physical therapists, and the shrinks (sorry), all say give it a year.
Yeah I do feel much better, but my life is changed. Before it was my world, I make things that I want, happen, within reason of course. I always thought that if someone was driving straight at me, I would surely see them and get out of the way, "you can't hurt me", not if I can help it. But I guess that is not so. What happened to my command? Reality set in, and it is not always good. Was I so disillusioned before? Are we all? Not until we crash do we see it? If so that is sad. How do we learn it without a crash?
So on this anniversary, life goes on and I went about my day as planned last night, work on the patio, go to the bank, quick stop at Trader Joe's, Office Max, and home for dinner. When I drove up, Rusty was outside waiting and says, "Where were you? I was worried." "I kissed you good-by, did you think something happened to me?" I asked. "YES" So it is still difficult for both of us. Today has been trying and heavy, but thank goodness, not as bad as one year ago.