I Need To Vent

I wrote this in October 2006 and somehow, never published it. I guess I was still angry.

So how I am publishing it, Not so angry now.

I really pushed my shoulder in therapy and at home, and still do. When I talk to people that also have shoulder replacements, they don't seem to have as much range of motion as I do, and they have more pain. These surgeons don't do shoulder replacements like they do hips and knees (especially at my age, mid forties, I find they do them at much older ages), so they are not as good at it as they are with hips and knees. When I saw the x-rays of my new metal shoulder, I had to ask them, "you guys didn't have a shoulder laying around? so you put in a hip?" It is 'I think' too big, people say that it looks like I work out on my left side, and it IS NOT swollen any longer. Everyone said "don't be crazy", and to "trust the doctors", they know what they are doing. Recently, I am now seeing a really good shoulder specialist, and he says that I may need to have this big joint replaced if it doesn't work right. I also, had told my first doctors that something was going on in my shoulder, and they're responce was "just be happy you've survived the collition" and "move along." With the help of Rusty I did some research and discovered Heterotopic Occification. Which I have developed in this joint, it turns out this is very rare, it takes a head injury and a bone fracture conbined to develope. Pay attention to your own body and carefully push yourself physically and mentally, doctors and physical therapists must protect themselves legally, playing it safe. Only you, yourself will know how you feel. Trust your body. I have learned this with this ordeal.

I think I was about 20 when this picture was taken of my Aura. I don't know why I put it here. I still have many questions. What all was going through my mind in 2006 and will I ask the same question 2 years from now about now? The mind is a terrible thing to question ; - ).

"PRE-BEAR"

San Francisco is the perfect city for young Gay Men. The atmosphere is calling for horny young men to relocate there, find themselves, have lots and lots of fun..........(sex), safely with other guys, then after two, three decades or so, flee the men frenzy; to begin life as say, not a boy, but a man/bear. These pictures are of me when I was a boy in San Francisco.


I had a great time and found the love of my life there.

How we live in the desert and somehow turned into bears.

Those San Francisco days are behind us now.

I wouldn't change a thing!

MILK

A friend of ours took this picture and sent it to us. Makes me miss the Castro. Rusty and I are going to see the movie today at 3:50. Our friend said it is very well made. Here is what he wrote.

"The sun was shining yesterday, so I decided to take a picture of the good ol' Castro Theatre, just three blocks from my home. It's been really exciting having MILK playing there, right in the neighborhood where it all happened and where it was shot earlier this year. As I've told numerous people, I think it's just about as perfect a film as could have been made dealing with that subject matter."